I get a lot of flack from the ladies about how I don’t have a girlfriend. They ask, “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” or “Why can’t you KEEP a girlfriend?” or they simply assume I am some sort of skirt-chasing satyr who can’t get enough.
Well, I’d like to set the record straight. I’d like people to understand that there is more to life than sex. In fact, I’d like everyone to know that the thing most of us are seeking for: a special someone in our life, is oftentimes the most detrimental thing to our happiness.
Of course, most people, especially married people, wouldn’t agree with that statement, they say that being married has made them happy. And I don’t doubt that they are telling the truth. However, and this is the harder, deeper truth (pardon the innuendo) but the reason we are unhappy has nothing to do with if we are in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but everything to do with our relationship with the Truth, or God.
So, yeah, I take a lot of flack for not having a girlfriend, because I’m not a priest either. I date, and I am sexually active. And oftentimes the perception is that if I am sexually active outside of a monogamous relationship, that makes me, and let me say some of the best ones: a “walking STD”, a “man-whore”, or a “player”. I don’t have a defense against those terms, because the ones who levy the judgements have already made up their minds.
Now, I’ll tell you the reason why your committed relationship (or the seeking of) may be to the detriment of your true happiness and your relationship with God, who is Truth and Love, completely formless and beyond birth and death, beyond this world. This world seems hard, and tough, and cruel, and therefore, in this hard, tough, cruel world we look for some scrap of happiness, some way to form a defense around our body and our mind to keep us at peace, and keep the outside, challenging world at bay.
Henceforth, the committed sexual relationship: where we try our damndest to make this other person happy and make them feel special and safe. In return, we expect them to do the same for us.
How can we protect ourselves from death? That is the question we ask ourselves at a deep level in this world, and we come up with answers like: financial security, health benefits, strong relationships, etc. But the answer is that eventually we cannot protect ourselves from death in the world. Now, if you are to stop here, life then seems futile and without meaning. You would be resigned to saying, “Oh, well we’re all just gonna die, so I might as well have some fun and get what I can while I am here.” This is the root of all evil and all temptation. Seeing the world as all there is.
God has given us the ultimate answer to life’s questions, and his answer is a good one: the world you believe to be real, is not. If you will simply forgive your illusions and let them go, God can show you the real world.
So the relationship with a sexual partner is not the problem: the belief that safety lies in the relationship with a sexual partner is the problem. There is no safety in this world, but you don’t need safety here because this world is not real and will not last when we no longer hold it dear. All you really need to do is wake up from this world. That is your only chance at happiness. So if you are ready to come with me and help save the world by spreading this message, get up, put on your shoes, and come. There’s no need to waste any more time.
You don’t have to change anything you are doing, don’t mistake my words. All you have to do is wake up and recognize where true happiness and true safety lie, and then you will have them, and you will be free and you will help others to be free.
I wish you peace and joy in your relationships, and when you recognize that we all share this goal of peace and joy, then you may have it. But offer it to the others and we become as One.
And if you see me with another pretty lady on a date: remember what I’ve said, and let go of your judgement, and you will understand where I’m coming from.
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A meaningful relationship is not one that necessarily involves financial security or health benefits. It involves you and the person you want to spend your life with – and that love and commitment brings you closer to God.
Life’s not easy, and it’s not safe for anyone but that “special someone” is by no means a detriment to our joy or happiness.
For the record: I am not against marriage. I am not against love and commitment. I am however, keenly aware that God’s love does not change — it gives continuously to me — when I am AWARE of it. The commandments, “thou shalt have no Gods before me” and “thou shalt not worship false idols” both allude to our human tendency to worship things of this world (things which will pass away and leave us empty) instead of rejoicing in the Truth. We must ask ourselves, when we are “in love”, if we are worshipping this person as an idol, and if so, we must repent from such actions if we are to truly feel God’s Presence. This is a difficult thing to do, when you are afraid to lose your idol, this person you so worship. But honestly ask yourself: if this person were to go away, leave me, or leave this form, would I curse God? Would I be angry with Him? If the answer is yes, then you’ve got some praying to do. Release your idols of this world and all of the abundance of the Universe is yours. Cling to your idols and you will be left with nothing, to “wail and gnash your teeth.”
…finding that “special someone” should never be “a means or detriment to ones joy or happiness”-true, but it should also NOT BE “THE means to ones joy or ones happiness.”
I think that’s where people go wrong.
True safety and true happiness lie in only on place, in everyone’s True Love which is GOD.
I agree, Catalina, all things CAN be helpful towards our happiness, including a relationship with a lover…
We can find happiness by seeing each others’ spirits as our real, true Self, and we look past our bodies as simply an imagined limitation that we need not heed…true love is limitless.
Sean
Someone once told me the issues I was experiencing with my significant other were my own issues reflected back at me. I implemented that theory in my everyday interaction with this person, and I learned a lot about myself in turn. The relationship got a lot happier. I enjoyed reading this post, keep it up!
I agree! The value in our relationships is that they make us aware of our illusions. Relationships, usually when something goes wrong, point out that we have built our “house on a foundation of sand” and show us that if we want lasting peace, then we must build a “house on a foundation of rock”. That rock is the quiet feeling of peace, which looks upon this world with forgiveness, not condemnation, and asks for nothing but that we return to the peace from which we came. This is true love and it shows us a different world: a world of oneness where bodies cease to have meaning except as a communication device to express love.
It’s important to remember 2 things regarding sex and partnerships.
1 – Just as you are an emanation of the creative consciousness that animates the universe, so is everyone else. In a heated pursuit of your own enlightenment, it is easy to imagine others as cardboard cut-outs on the stage of your personal drama. A monogamous relationship introduces to the forefront a being that you must consider as important and central as yourself. It’s a constantly humbling experience that enriches the seeker of wisdom.
2 – One of the defining characteristics of this universe is polarity. The search for that 3rd element – the synthesis achieved through the union of opposites – is not only fruitful and worthwhile, it may perhaps be the only work worth doing.
Every marriage, imho, is a true religion with a congregation of 2.