Daily Laugh

JUST FYI:  Yesterday someone told me that I seem very serious and don’t seem to have much of a sense of humor.  I was shocked and offended.  But then I started to think about it, and I realized that when I start talking about “spiritual stuff”, I speak quite seriously and people’s eyes begin to look like glazed donut holes, and they start fidgeting uncomfortably.  So, I’m trying a new approach: I’m going to start making jokes.  Here’s the first batch of a non-stop hit parade of hilarity.  As Clark Griswold once said, “We’re gonna have so much fucking fun, we’ll be singing zippity doo-dah, out our assholes!”  Enjoy.  –S.A.M.

Top 10 Ways Unhappy People Pretend they are Happy

10.  Compare themselves to homeless or starving people.  ”I am so blessed, I mean it could be a LOT worse.”

9.  Talk about how great their job / life is to others who could give a shit.  ”Things are going REALLY, REALLY well…”

8.  Make fun of people they believe to be inferior.  ”Is she seriously that RETARDED?”  And for some reason, they can never remember anyone’s name…

7.  Plan out their life for the next ten years, changing their mind over and over again about fantastical details.  ”…and then I’ll move to Hawaii, and open a surf shop, no maybe Australia…”

6.  Go on a foreign vacation somewhere and purposely not learn any of the local language, or learn only one word and keep saying it all day, every day.

5.  Make fun of politicians, celebrities, or co-workers to whom they have never or barely ever communicated with.

4. Publish unintelligible “insights about life” in their Facebook status.

3.  Become obsessed with certain television shows.

2.  Order specialty cocktails in a specific, but completely arbitrary way: “Jameson and Diet, light rocks, no fruit.”

1.  Talk or text on their phones in each and every free moment of life, so as to avoid making eye contact with anyone, ever, because if we saw into their eyes we would see the pain that they are in.

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